Grateful
To say it
has been a crazy, amazing, wonderful, scary, tragic, faith filled hopeful year
doesn’t even fully accurately describe what the past year has been. I have been tested by many situations, given
no hope and then been given tremendous hope.
I have been blessed and surrounded by so much love, hope and faith. At times I have been alone but never truly
alone. I have always always ...felt the
presence of God around me.
When I sit
back and think about not only the past year but my entire life; I believe that
God has always had a plan. Too often, I
didn’t listen to his plan and had to learn lessons the hard way but God has
always led me back. I have never lost my
faith but there have been periods of my life where I absolutely have been a
very lazy sinful Christian. I am still a
sinful Christian but every day I try to be a little bit better than I was the
day before. I am more aware of God’s
presence and ask God for guidance continuously.
I am so
grateful for the healing that I have received and the time that I have received. I am grateful that God has placed me in the
hands of talented doctors , for wisdom from family and friends, for a loving
husband that loves me unconditionally and is continually researching for me and
guiding me. I am grateful for time with
friends and the friends that have become even closer to me. I have been blessed with two daughters who
have been my focus in much of my life. I
love Raschelle and Justine so much that it can hurt sometimes. I am grateful that they have both found great
partners to share their lives with.
I am
grateful that not only do I believe in God but I feel that I have a personal relationship
with God. As God knows everything about
us, we have no secrets. We can be our
true authentic selves. He knows all of
our deep dark secrets, our fears, our hopes, insecurities, and sins. Sleep issues are often an issue for me and
God is available always to talk to. God
has all the power in our lives and if we really listen; will give us guidance
when we seek it. One sleepless night
while on vacation in January I truly felt his push to just quit trying to sleep
and get up. Often he has a better plan
for us like watch a sunrise and quiet Bible reading time.
I have been
blessed with the wisdom and guidance aided by so many through God. Decisions on which treatments to take and if
surgery is required have been guided by God.
I am so thankful that I was able to attend my Justine and Matthew’s
wedding. I have been able to spend more
time with Justine since September while she is attending school. I was told in May to adjust my expectations,
that there was really no hope for me. I
still have dreams to full fill. A huge
dream of mine is to become a grandma and I was told that this was not really
realistic. WELL.....Most of you now
know that Patrick and Raschelle are expecting a little girl in July. We are all crazy over the top excited. (sometimes out of control in a needing to
rein it in kind of way) I am so grateful
that I got to see her precious little princess feet on the ultra sound and I
got to hear her heart beat last Monday.
This grand parent stuff is new to us but we are proud owners of a new
pack ‘n’ play so we are ready. Busy
crocheting a blanket and have definitely mastered the art of reverse
crocheting. I actually have a crochet
coach/friend Kirsty that follows up with me.
(true story). Anyway, the whole
grandma thing just makes me giddy. On
Wednesday, Raschelle was in a car accident and her and baby are fine. We are all so grateful that both Raschelle
and princess are fine. A very emotional
day for all and we are all so grateful.
I know that Grateful is my word of the blog but there just is know other
word out there to describe how I am feeling in this season.
As far as
the medical side of all of this; things are continuing to go better than
doctors have predicted. They are
surprised that my tumor markers are still continuing to respond. I had a CT scan of my chest, abdomen and
pelvis on March 31st (my dad’s birthday). I have been having MRI’s throughout the past
year but they have only been of my liver.
My oncologist thought it would be a good idea to have kind of a broader
picture of things. The cancer in my
liver is diffused and imaging is only a part of the whole thing. But, they couldn’t find any worsening of
anything from the CT in March of 2016 to March of 2017.
I pray that
I continue to be grateful for God’s healing and grace in whatever way it is given
to me. The reality is that I need to be
grateful for every day that I continue to respond to treatment positively. Yes, I have side effects but overall my
quality of life is good. In the midst of
my sorrow I have had great joy. God is
my healer and provider.
I have found
music is very instrumental in bringing me peace. There are so many great Christian artists
that just bring music to my soul. The
song “Find Me” is speaking to me a lot this past while.
Romans 8
-28: And we know that God causes
everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called
according to his purpose for them. We
may not understand his way but we need to trust and believe that his way is the
best way for all.
I am
grateful to all of you that have been by me and continue to be. Above all, I am grateful for Easter. Because of Easter we all have the Hope Of
Eternal Life. Much Love, Bev.
