March 2018
Update
Well, the
past 3 months have been a bit of a whirl wind and I have been struggling on
where to even begin. Maybe a good place
to start is – why do I blog? I am just an ordinary 54 year old woman that
Loves Jesus with all her heart. I love
my friends and family so much that when I think of those nearest and dearest to
me my heart actually hurts. Yes, I
happen to have stage 4 breast cancer which I have been made aware plenty of
times is a really really bad thing. But
still why write about this?
Well, maybe
in some small way at some point it will possibly make a difference. I am not certain actually. It helps me get stuff out of my head and
focus where I need to focus. My hope is
that someone else who is given a serious health diagnosis might read this and
it could give them some hope. Hope for
healing, hope for joy, hope for love and hope for a relationship with God. In the words of “Max Lucado”, “You’ll get through this. It won’t be painless. It won’t be quick. But God will use this mess for good. In the meantime, don’t be foolish or
naive. But don’t despair either. With God’s help you will get through
this.” This is a quote straight from Max
Lucado’s book - You’ll Get Through This.
Throughout
the past two years, I have altered my thought process from self reliance to God
reliance. Without God’s help I am of no
use.
Prior to
going to Puerto Vallarta in January, I received a good medical report and good results
from my MRI in late December. I have
been challenged this year with balancing the efforts and value of
travelling. On the trips to both Puerto
Vallarta and Cancun, we had incredible experiences but my energy and well being
fluctuated tremendously. For no obvious
reason, I could pretty much do nothing one day and hike 6 miles the next. Tim definitely picked the short straw for a
travel companion. The longer I am away
from home; the more health challenges I face.
So, we try to do as much as we can right away. No putting off anything till tomorrow. A couple of years ago, while on a hike in PV;
I was stepped on by a horse. So, this
year, I challenged myself to go on the same hike and face my fear. Well, embarrassingly, another horse came out
when I was in a crowded area and I had an all out anxiety attack. I did not remain calm, nor did I ask God for
help. I just panicked. What happened to the Let Go, Let God
mentality? It is frustrating to lose
control of your emotions yet not reach out to the clear answer – God. On our trip to Cancun, we went zip lining
over the ocean which was a bit of a fear conquering moment for me. (last time I zip lined; I hit a papaya tree
- true story) How I have never broken a bone; only God
knows.
My last
blood test was a few weeks ago and unfortunately; the tumor markers have
increased. The oncologist was not
concerned as this was the first time and they also go by MRI results. But, it definitely brings us more
uncertainty. I was battling a cold at
the time and hoping that this for some reason had an affect on the blood work
results. The oncologist is changing the MRI frequency
from once every 3 months to 4 months. I
am trying to look at this as confidence in my health but I do realize it is
really a budget thing. Last week, I had
a gastroscopy which was a real treat. I
have to have one every 6 months due to the damage that the ascites did to my
veins in 2016. So, back to the oncologist on March 13th. Praying for blood work results that indicate
that treatment is continuing to respond.
In the
meantime, I am praying and listening and reading God’s word. God is using this quiet down time for me to
just be still and listen and learn and believe.
Much Love,
Bev
