August 23, 2017 Blog

There have just been so many changes and life events since I last blogged.  I have had so many miraculous happenings, challenges, life altering events and have had to really trust that God has a plan for me on a daily basis. 

Medically, it still ‘seems’ that the cancer is being controlled.  Like I said, you truly have to have faith, live in the moment and try your very best to live in gratitude.  Some days are definitely more challenging than others. 

On July 11th, my tumor markers rose for the first time since I started treatment.  I really felt like I was kicked in the stomach.  My oncologist wasn’t too worried as I had an MRI on July 4^th that showed stability in the disease.  But, still he admitted he would rather have not had this happen but the tumor markers are only one indicator.  Also, we changed my treatment drug which could have contributed to the rise.   So, then of course we question if this treatment was the right decision.  Sorry if I am not telling this in the right order but I have a headache right now and really just wanted to try and write this today.  He also told us that he was leaving Cancercare to move onto other career opportunities which devastated me.  (meltdown)  I am extremely grateful for everything that this oncologist has done for me.  He was an answer to our prayers.  He also ordered an endoscopy which I had done last week which they had to do banding on.  Will be seeing the gastrointestinal specialist next week.  (I had to have the endoscopy due to the damage that the ascites did to my body last summer and caused varices in my intestines.  Will know more next week but wasn’t too happy when I read on the exit brochure the hospital gave me that further endoscopies will be recommended. 

Many times I have been told that healing won’t be happening.  God is still the head of the healing in life I have to always tell myself.  Sometimes, we don’t understand the timelines or the ways but it will always be for our good. 

On August 15^th, we had our first meeting with the new oncologist .  Blood work is off and neutrophils and RBC are too low to resume treatment at this point.  I had my blood retested yesterday (August 22^nd) and again too low.  Hope to start  back on in a week as long as I pass the  blood test.  This does explain my extreme fatigue, shortness of breath and restless leg syndrome etc.....

I need to be patient with my body and do the best that I can.  I tire easily right now which is a hard thing to accept as I was working so hard at getting back into shape.  I was running 3 miles in July.  Then my blood got hit hard and I hit the wall!  Better than the concrete which I admittingly have had the misfortune of in the past. 

So, I am believing that God has a plan for me and feeling God’s presence around me always.   When I really feel like I have not had a stellar day,  I stop and think of or write down three things that I am grateful for.  Even on my least stellar days, I find this an easy task!  I feel that I am so blessed.  I really do this and it really works!  But, I do ask God for specific prayer requests as well. 

AND.....TODAY I AM GRATEFUL FOR

My daughter Justine.  Today is her 26^th birthday.  She has rocked my world and opened my heart and my world.  Love her to the moon and back. 

For the health care that I receive both standard and complementary. 

For Jesus

I ‘think’ that mostly everyone knows about the birth of our grand daughter Anne.  She was born on July 2^nd.   Her middle name is Hazel after her grandma Hazie - my daughters second mom.  I have been very happy to be able to spend lots of time hugging and cuddling her.  The meaning of her name is Favour or Grace.  Prayer.  God has favoured me.  Everyone said that being a grandparent would be the best thing ever and I thought it would be too.  But, like so many things you don’t truly know until you experience it.  And, then the love; will be so strong that it is indescribable.  It is such a beautiful thing to experience my daughter Raschelle and her husband Pat fall completely out of the park in love with her.  Anne has everyone smitten.  A baby brings so much love to the world.  A baby is one of God greatest miracles.  Thank you God for Anne! 

Blessings and Prayers

Bev

                                                   Grateful

To say it has been a crazy, amazing, wonderful, scary, tragic, faith filled hopeful year doesn’t even fully accurately describe what the past year has been.  I have been tested by many situations, given no hope and then been given tremendous hope.  I have been blessed and surrounded by so much love, hope and faith.  At times I have been alone but never truly alone.  I have always always ...felt the presence of God around me. 

When I sit back and think about not only the past year but my entire life; I believe that God has always had a plan.  Too often, I didn’t listen to his plan and had to learn lessons the hard way but God has always led me back.  I have never lost my faith but there have been periods of my life where I absolutely have been a very lazy sinful Christian.  I am still a sinful Christian but every day I try to be a little bit better than I was the day before.   I am more aware of God’s presence and ask God for guidance continuously. 

I am so grateful for the healing that I have received and the time that I have received.  I am grateful that God has placed me in the hands of talented doctors , for wisdom from family and friends, for a loving husband that loves me unconditionally and is continually researching for me and guiding me.  I am grateful for time with friends and the friends that have become even closer to me.  I have been blessed with two daughters who have been my focus in much of my life.  I love Raschelle and Justine so much that it can hurt sometimes.  I am grateful that they have both found great partners to share their lives with. 

I am grateful that not only do I believe in God but I feel that I have a personal relationship with God.  As God knows everything about us, we have no secrets.  We can be our true authentic selves.  He knows all of our deep dark secrets, our fears, our hopes, insecurities, and sins.  Sleep issues are often an issue for me and God is available always to talk to.  God has all the power in our lives and if we really listen; will give us guidance when we seek it.  One sleepless night while on vacation in January I truly felt his push to just quit trying to sleep and get up.  Often he has a better plan for us like watch a sunrise and quiet Bible reading time.  

I have been blessed with the wisdom and guidance aided by so many through God.  Decisions on which treatments to take and if surgery is required have been guided by God.  I am so thankful that I was able to attend my Justine and Matthew’s wedding.  I have been able to spend more time with Justine since September while she is attending school.  I was told in May to adjust my expectations, that there was really no hope for me.  I still have dreams to full fill.  A huge dream of mine is to become a grandma and I was told that this was not really realistic.   WELL.....Most of you now know that Patrick and Raschelle are expecting a little girl in July.  We are all crazy over the top excited.  (sometimes out of control in a needing to rein it in kind of way)  I am so grateful that I got to see her precious little princess feet on the ultra sound and I got to hear her heart beat last Monday.  This grand parent stuff is new to us but we are proud owners of a new pack ‘n’ play so we are ready.  Busy crocheting a blanket and have definitely mastered the art of reverse crocheting.  I actually have a crochet coach/friend Kirsty that follows up with me.  (true story).  Anyway, the whole grandma thing just makes me giddy.  On Wednesday, Raschelle was in a car accident and her and baby are fine.  We are all so grateful that both Raschelle and princess are fine.  A very emotional day for all and we are all so grateful.  I know that Grateful is my word of the blog but there just is know other word out there to describe how I am feeling in this season.

As far as the medical side of all of this; things are continuing to go better than doctors have predicted.  They are surprised that my tumor markers are still continuing to respond.  I had a CT scan of my chest, abdomen and pelvis on March 31^st (my dad’s birthday).  I have been having MRI’s throughout the past year but they have only been of my liver.  My oncologist thought it would be a good idea to have kind of a broader picture of things.  The cancer in my liver is diffused and imaging is only a part of the whole thing.  But, they couldn’t find any worsening of anything from the CT in March of 2016 to March of 2017. 

I pray that I continue to be grateful for God’s healing and grace in whatever way it is given to me.  The reality is that I need to be grateful for every day that I continue to respond to treatment positively.  Yes, I have side effects but overall my quality of life is good.  In the midst of my sorrow I have had great joy.  God is my healer and provider.

I have found music is very instrumental in bringing me peace.  There are so many great Christian artists that just bring music to my soul.  The song “Find Me”  is  speaking to me a lot this past while. 

Romans 8 -28:  And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.  We may not understand his way but we need to trust and believe that his way is the best way for all. 

I am grateful to all of you that have been by me and continue to be.   Above all, I am grateful for Easter.  Because of Easter we all have the Hope Of Eternal Life.   Much Love, Bev.

February 2, 2017 Life Update

We have had a great start to 2017.  Tim and I went to Ixtapa for two weeks and returned on January 20^th.  It was blissful!  We were able to do so many things that I thought may not ever again be possible.  Due to the great location of the resort so many things were easy to do without going on any excursions. 

We went biking three times.  We chose to go on a challenging bike ride from Ixtapa to Zihuatanejo one day which is a ridiculous amount of hills.  Going down a hill I nearly ran into a herd of goats.  Yep!  And as I am a train wreck as far as being accident prone it was considered to be quite the blessing that I did not.  When Tim suggested that we consider taking the bus back to Ixtapa I was reminded once again what an amazing man I married.  Best 25 pesos ever spent.  Later, we were told that Ixtapa was the hottest place in the world on that day. 

I also survived roller blading without any medical intervention or band aids.  Yes, another miracle.  Our resort was located 5 minutes away from a bike path which was great for biking, roller blading and skate boarding.  Tim too had no mishaps.  There was lots of wildlife near by including rabbits, donkeys and crocodiles (in a sanctuary) 

I successfully attended the gym without complying with their tennis shoe rule.  I continued with my nutrition health nerd persona and drank the Eco gym’s chlorophyll and exhausted the resort’s stock of green juice.  While many people at these all inclusive resorts seem to be able to handle their liquor; I on the contrary have difficulty keeping track of my own shoes while drinking too much mineral water.  True story. 

We also went Kyacking and on a couple of catamaran rides.  We were entertained by a couple of dolphins and one was about a foot away from me.  My feet behaved themselves above my expectations and I was able to do some beach walking which is one of my favourite things to do.  

Last week I had to go back to the oncologist for a checkup and my blood work showed tumor markers decreasing again.  My oncologist discussed our previous MRI concerns and advised that he spoke to the radiologist and they are confident that what they are seeing on the MRI is not a sign of disease progression.  Of course they would never know 100% unless my liver was removed and analyzed.  My spleen is enlarged about 50% above normal and will remain at this size.  They do not anticipate any growth or decrease in size.  My spleen is holding onto platelets which is part of the cause for the low platelets.  Removal of my spleen is a whole other topic that you only want to look into if absolutely necessary.  My platelets remain low but it is safe to continue treatment.  At this point they don’t expect my platelets to get to a normal level.   They all believe that it is in my best interest to continue with the blood thinners indefinitely.  My case apparently has been unusual and puzzling for the specialists.   My case was difficult to diagnose due to the cancer in my liver being spread  throughout much of my liver.  I have responded better than they anticipated to the treatments.  I am continuing with acupuncture treatments and have also seen an osteopath a few times.  I believe that the acupuncture has helped me with a number of the side affects of the chemotheraphy.  They are modifying the MRI’s from every three months to every 4 months.  

I continue to strive to just “Let Go and Let God”.  I am trying to be the best version of me that I can be.  Some days I do better than others.  I am not able to do everything that I used to but I am able to do so much more than six months ago.  I strive to be a better person, mother daughter and friend and feel that I continue to fall short of my own expectations.  But, every day I try to be a better version of me than yesterday.  I try to understand my varying moods and wellness.   No one knows what the future holds and I try not to get ahead of myself.  Today is good.  I try not to compare myself to others or expect myself to have the same energy as others.  I just need  to be me and accept me which is sometimes difficult.  I expect and want so much more from myself than I am able to deliver most days.  

I believe that I have received devine providence throughout the past year in making decisions on my health.  I have received guidance on health decisions regarding what decision to make and the importance and urgency of the decision.  Repeatedly, I have found that when I ask God to help me make a decision, he quite clearly gives me guidance.  I continue to be blessed with not only physical healing but on how hard to push myself and when I need rest or a time out.  I continue to feel confident of God’s presence and for that I am incredibly blessed.

Joshua 1  - 9  - This is my command – Be strong and courageous!  Do not be afraid or discouraged.  For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Much Love,

Bev

December 20^th (and one more thing)

Just wanted to give myself credit for channelling my energy in a positive way while waiting for the dr.  I kind of do a freak out once I am in the examining room and can’t sit still.  Decided to do a mini leg squat work out while waiting for the dr.  Might be sore tomorrow but a proud sore!  Yes, Cancer Care employees – I am proud to be that crazy patient in clinic #3.  (got just a few stares) 

Once a work out nut; always a workout nut.  Need to get my legs stronger so I will be ready to run when my feet give the ok. 

Do as much as you can for as long as you can when you can.  

 December 20^th Update

I want to quickly give an update on my dr. appt this afternoon.  We have been blessed with more good news and some that is a bit unclear/speculative.  But, that is the nature of stage 4 breast cancer.

My platelets have remained low but my oncologist is ok for another chemotherapy to start in a week. (this will be the 12^th cycle)   All of my liver enzymes have improved or remained the same.  Both my tumor markers have decreased.  Oncologist is continuing  the process of referring me for a newish drug on the market to be combined with an anti hormonal.  We are not in a hurry as the current therapy is working ‘beautifully’.   These were the actual words of my oncologist.  We just want to have all options available and basically have our ducks in line so to speak. 

Oncologist is writing up a letter for me that is ok to travel as we are heading to Ixtapa for 2 weeks.  (and ok for me to have chemotherapy drugs in my carry on)  My insurer is also on board with me travelling and is actually encouraging me and giving me travel tips.  I am so grateful to have a medical team and insurer that are encouraging quality of life and do not want me or expect me to be bedridden 24/7. 

The results of my MRI are a bit vague.   This MRI report was done by a different radiologist and my oncologist wants to contact the original radiologist to figure out what a few of the comments mean.  My oncologist doesn’t think it is anything to worry about as I am clinically doing very well.  Advised he will call if any concern.  He believes that some of the images are regenerative nodules in my liver which is a very good thing and not new tumors.  MRI notes are not clear and we may need to wait until spring to really know for sure what is going on.  The original 6 tumors seem to be history.  My spleen is still enlarged and has increased slightly in size and  I still have portal hypertension in the vessels.  We got a copy of the MRI report and just reading some of it now and much of it I do not understand.  Trying hard to believe that everything is well without really knowing for sure.  A lot of this disease is speculative so all we can do is believe the best if we do not know if what is speculative is for sure bad.  Have to believe all is ok or I will only be living a nightmare twice.  The oncologist advised that it does not make sense for the disease to be progressing at this time with the tumor markers decreasing, liver enzymes to be stable/decreasing and for me to be feeling well.  I am doing my best to believe him asking God for emotional strength and increased faith.

Living each day to the fullest and never taking a second of life on earth for granted.  Believing that God has a pathway for me and is right beside me.  With God all things are possible.  Although days like today are long and draining,  we have as many answers as possible and God has been providing us wisdom and guidance all along.  We are so grateful to all those who have helped us through this storm and continue to help and guide us. 

We are most grateful for Jesus and to celebrate his birth. 

May the peace of God be with you always.  Merry Christmas! 

Much Love,

Bev

November 24^th Blog Entry

I continue to be blessed with healing!  About every 4 weeks I am now getting blood work done and an MRI every 3 months.  Going for these appointments tends to bring up the standard worries and fright.  I struggle and continue to strive to give my worries to God.  I believe that God does listen to every single one of our prayers.  I do believe that we also need to pray for wisdom, guidance and understanding.  So, even though I strongly believe in the power of prayer; I also believe in being active in my bodies healing.  I hope this makes sense.  Ie – we can pray for something such as help with our financial struggles but we have to show up for the job, do the work etc.  I continue to pray for the guidance and wisdom of my medical team, I nourish my body with healthy food and my mind and soul with the power of God and the support of loving people around me.  When given options for treatments, I take a step back; pray on it and ask my power people for second, and third opinions. 

I have changed throughout this storm and my interests and priorities have altered.  I continue to try to be a better person every day and I know every day I fall short.  Forever, I will keep trying and press on.  There always seems to be those moments every day that you think you could have said or done more.  (or, in some cases said less)  I pray for God’s guidance to help me find the right words to say to others and when to say nothing at all.   

On Tuesday, I had my appointment with my oncologist.  Mostly good news.   My CA15 breast cancer tumor marker fell once again.  (to 25)  And, 0 – 25 is normal.  The CEA tumor marker also fell.  Some of my liver enzyme markers rose a bit but this could be a reaction to the chemotherapy treatment Xeloda.  The bit of unfortunate news is that I will be on the blood thinner injections indefinitely.  This does limit some options for any supplements or prescription medicines.  I do need to watch for signs of internal bleeding etc.  The new oncologist is very thorough and both Tim and I feel confident under his care.  He spoke to 8 hematologists and 3 of them are blood clot specialists and they all believe I need to stay on the blood thinner injections.  They did reduce my dose due to my weight reduction since the healing of the ascites.  The technical term is Budd-Chiari syndrome or hepatic veno—occlusive disease.  This is not a definitive diagnosis but one that continues to be probable at each appointment and MRI.  I know, I know too much information!!!!!

The immediate plan is that I start another round of chemo in one week.  (14 day duration) My oncologist is also quite on top of future potential treatments for me.  He is referring me for a clinical trial (Palbociclib)  I could get rejected for various reasons and he would then apply for it on a compassionate basis.  (it is an extremely expensive drug)  He would like to improve my quality of life and one of the possible treatments is this new clinical trial drug combined with an aromatase inhibitor .  However, the clinical trial drug brings down your white blood cell count which I am already  currently struggling with.  They do have options with massaging the dosage and timing of treatments to help with this.  I am still struggling with hand/foot syndrome, fatigue and inability to sleep much. 

I am getting physically, emotionally and spiritually stronger.  Cycling on the stationary bike, light weights and stretching.  I am continuing to do what was designed to be a 90 day Bible read.  (hopeful goal is 120 days)  I have started to see an acupuncturist this week and feeling very positive that she will be able to help with some of my issues.  Likely, will have to go for a few months to determine if it is helpful. 

My MRI is coming up on December 7^th and faithfully believing that all will be ok.  Moments like Tuesday make me feel so grateful , so incredibly thankful.  I do not take my current stable health for granted.  I know too well the unpredictability of life.   

Months ago, I could only plan my life until the next drain day.  Now, I am thinking of my life in very different terms.  When I am feeling well, it ranges from one oncologist appointment to the next or even thinking many months ahead and planning short term goals and making future plans.  My physical and emotional health go hand in hand. 

I pray for those who are currently trying to find healing for their health issues.  We all have storms that we have been in or are coming.  To have the peace, joy and assurance that Jesus is walking beside me through my struggles is beyond describable. 

Romans 12:12 –

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer”

Blessings,

Bev

 October 28^th Update

I have again been blessed with more healing.  The drain removal took a couple of weeks to heal from but fortunately that is behind me.  I finished another round of chemo on October 17^th and saw the oncologist on October 25^th.  I have switched oncologists and I am comfortable with my decision.  He is doing a referral to a clot specialist to see if I should be continuing to do the daily blood thinner injections.  Passed the platelet count test and neutrophil blood test.  I will be starting another round of chemo next week.  Both my tumor markers decreased again.  I was described by the new oncologist as an atypical patient in both a negative and positive way.  The side affects that I have been having from the xeloda have been worse that the average patient and my response to the treatment has been above average. 

My previous oncologist and new oncologist have been communicating and their recommendations in my treatment plan are a bit different.  My previous oncologist thinks that I have likely received most of the benefits that I can from my treatment and suggested to switch me to an aromatase inhibitor.  The new oncologist believes that we can kick the cancer’s butt a bit more and is comfortable with further chemo.  My tumor markers continue to decrease at a consistent steady rate so I am going to do another round.  I think the previous oncologist is concerned about my platelets and would like to see them recover. 

I really was emotionally overwhelmed with the potential of going on an aromatase inhibitor.  I thought this was a fantasy plan.  Apparantly, this could be a very realistic plan for me in the future.  I feel blessed beyond my own comprehension.  I am very fortunate that I seem to have chosen a drug that my particular cancer seems to really respond to.  Not all women respond to a particular drug.  It is a reality that I could have chosen one and not had a response to it.  I am beyond pleased but also very shaken up.  You just never know what is ahead and if or how long your body will respond to a drug.  Many patients in my condition have seen a progression and I have been seeing a regression. 

I am faithfully believing that my body will continue to respond to treatment and continued healing will happen.  Thank you God for the ongoing healing that you have brought to my body. 

Thank you all for your continued prayers. 

Hugs,

Bev