To say it has been a crazy, amazing, wonderful, scary, tragic, faith filled hopeful year doesn’t even fully accurately describe what the past year has been. I have been tested by many situations, given no hope and then been given tremendous hope. I have been blessed and surrounded by so much love, hope and faith. At times I have been alone but never truly alone. I have always always ...felt the presence of God around me.
When I sit back and think about not only the past year but my entire life; I believe that God has always had a plan. Too often, I didn’t listen to his plan and had to learn lessons the hard way but God has always led me back. I have never lost my faith but there have been periods of my life where I absolutely have been a very lazy sinful Christian. I am still a sinful Christian but every day I try to be a little bit better than I was the day before. I am more aware of God’s presence and ask God for guidance continuously.
I am so grateful for the healing that I have received and the time that I have received. I am grateful that God has placed me in the hands of talented doctors , for wisdom from family and friends, for a loving husband that loves me unconditionally and is continually researching for me and guiding me. I am grateful for time with friends and the friends that have become even closer to me. I have been blessed with two daughters who have been my focus in much of my life. I love Raschelle and Justine so much that it can hurt sometimes. I am grateful that they have both found great partners to share their lives with.
I am grateful that not only do I believe in God but I feel that I have a personal relationship with God. As God knows everything about us, we have no secrets. We can be our true authentic selves. He knows all of our deep dark secrets, our fears, our hopes, insecurities, and sins. Sleep issues are often an issue for me and God is available always to talk to. God has all the power in our lives and if we really listen; will give us guidance when we seek it. One sleepless night while on vacation in January I truly felt his push to just quit trying to sleep and get up. Often he has a better plan for us like watch a sunrise and quiet Bible reading time.
I have been blessed with the wisdom and guidance aided by so many through God. Decisions on which treatments to take and if surgery is required have been guided by God. I am so thankful that I was able to attend my Justine and Matthew’s wedding. I have been able to spend more time with Justine since September while she is attending school. I was told in May to adjust my expectations, that there was really no hope for me. I still have dreams to full fill. A huge dream of mine is to become a grandma and I was told that this was not really realistic. WELL.....Most of you now know that Patrick and Raschelle are expecting a little girl in July. We are all crazy over the top excited. (sometimes out of control in a needing to rein it in kind of way) I am so grateful that I got to see her precious little princess feet on the ultra sound and I got to hear her heart beat last Monday. This grand parent stuff is new to us but we are proud owners of a new pack ‘n’ play so we are ready. Busy crocheting a blanket and have definitely mastered the art of reverse crocheting. I actually have a crochet coach/friend Kirsty that follows up with me. (true story). Anyway, the whole grandma thing just makes me giddy. On Wednesday, Raschelle was in a car accident and her and baby are fine. We are all so grateful that both Raschelle and princess are fine. A very emotional day for all and we are all so grateful. I know that Grateful is my word of the blog but there just is know other word out there to describe how I am feeling in this season.
As far as the medical side of all of this; things are continuing to go better than doctors have predicted. They are surprised that my tumor markers are still continuing to respond. I had a CT scan of my chest, abdomen and pelvis on March 31st (my dad’s birthday). I have been having MRI’s throughout the past year but they have only been of my liver. My oncologist thought it would be a good idea to have kind of a broader picture of things. The cancer in my liver is diffused and imaging is only a part of the whole thing. But, they couldn’t find any worsening of anything from the CT in March of 2016 to March of 2017.
I pray that I continue to be grateful for God’s healing and grace in whatever way it is given to me. The reality is that I need to be grateful for every day that I continue to respond to treatment positively. Yes, I have side effects but overall my quality of life is good. In the midst of my sorrow I have had great joy. God is my healer and provider.
I have found music is very instrumental in bringing me peace. There are so many great Christian artists that just bring music to my soul. The song “Find Me” is speaking to me a lot this past while.
Romans 8 -28: And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. We may not understand his way but we need to trust and believe that his way is the best way for all.
I am grateful to all of you that have been by me and continue to be. Above all, I am grateful for Easter. Because of Easter we all have the Hope Of Eternal Life. Much Love, Bev.