December 24, 2017 – Life Perfectly Imperfect
Since August, life has been very good. My medication was adjusted twice to accommodate my low blood counts. At this time, I am dealing very well with the medication and my quality of life is good. I will be having endoscopies every 6 months. I am continuing with accupunture and osteopath. I was rear ended for the fifth time in November so dealing with whiplash once again. Although, I have exhausted almost all sleep remedies; my sleep schedule is all off. Maybe I need a sleep coach. Ie – yesterday I was up at 5 am for the day but still couldn’t sleep last night until around 3 am. So, I am disobeying sleep rules and on my computer at 2 am. My tumor markers are once again falling which is assurance to me that the treatments are working. I had an MRI yesterday so praying that the results we receive in a week will be what we want to see – continued healing, no new tumors and even regeneration of my liver. I have faith that this is what my oncologist is going to tell me. Hebrews 11:1 provides a definition of faith: “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. “trusting in something you cannot explicitly prove. “ I am choosing to believe continued healing is happening. I believe strongly enough that I am going away to Mexico for 2 weeks on January 3rd.
There have been gradual physical improvements in my body. I am off blood thinners and my hair is thickening and new growth has now covered my bald spots. My muscle mass has increased but my abdomen has decreased. Going through adversity teaches you lessons on what is important, what you care about and prioritizing. A lot of things that concern most people; I just don’t care about.
Christmas brings me challenges like so many people. It is so difficult not to get brought into the chaos and to focus on whose party Christmas really is. At Christmas somehow, I become a crumbling emotional mess and bring them all down. Christmas 2008 was the most challenging. Although it was a time in my life that I do not want to revisit I somehow always do. I have to consciously realize how far we have all come and celebrate. So Christmas is now extra emotional for me but also extra celebratory. I have learned that when I am at my lowest; God has been at his strongest, most clearly without a doubt present in my life. Many things happened that without a doubt were God driven to drive a message home to me. I know not everyone I have told my story to has understood but we all have the choice to decide for ourselves and make our own opinions. God has given us free will.
I know that in the future, my health may again worsen. But, I am not going to let this fear of not getting what I want from totally trusting God. God is in control . There may be things involved that we just don’t understand yet. And, maybe we never will on earth. We live life forward and understand it backwards. I am trusting God and his plan. Romans 11: 33-34 – “Oh, how great are God’s riches and wisdom and knowledge! How impossible it is for us to understand his decisions and his ways.” Psalm 56 -3 – “But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in you” Every morning before I get up; I ask God to guide me to show me how to act and how he wants me to be. Yesterday, going for my MRI – I had to use my negotiation skills to deal with medical staff. I prayed to God to guide me to not lose my temper, to treat the staff politely but to be assertive and tactful in my approach. After discussions with several staff and a radiologist everything was figured out. Perhaps, the many years of negotiating as a commercial underwriter has allowed me to transfer some of my skills. Who knew.
Too often, people put unrealistic expectations on Christmas. We want the “perfect” Christmas. Yet, Mary and Joseph did not have the perfect circumstances. Mary was a virgin and pregnant. They were not married and Joseph had to have faith and trust that she had not deceived him. They had to travel to Bethlehem when she was due to give birth. Travelling while being very pregnant – not ideal. Giving birth in a stable – not ideal. Yet, Jesus leaving Heaven to come and save us all and offering us eternity is a gift that we can receive if we ask. My family has a lot to be grateful for this year. A few of the Big things that I am especially thankful for are: Anne, my daughters, that they are both married to loving men, my husband, my mother in law, my brothers and sisters, my brother having knee surgery, my extended family, my health, my faith and God’s influence in my life, Pastor Martin, and my dear friends.
May the Peace and Joy of Christmas be in your hearts every day. Merry Christmas to all.