September 21^st Blog – Believing While Not Understanding

I apologize for not blogging sooner.  I really have not had much to report.  I had an MRI on Friday evening and received the results yesterday.    Not much has changed in the imaging since my last MRI in June.  There are no signs that the cancer is worsening so that is good news.  So at this time I need to and should be grateful for stable/no progression in the disease.  The MRI noted a huge decrease in the ascites which we all pretty much knew from the looks of me.  I have had a physical transformation since my last MRI.  My abdomen is pretty much back to normal (about a 7 inch decrease since June)  Liver is still abnormally shaped, spleen is slightly enlarged and lots of scar tissue.   This may stay the same, get worse or get better over time.  I did not get an opportunity to read the MRI until I got home and I really understand very little of it.  This is another stresser having to learn medical knowledge while healing.  I know we have to rely on opinions of others but it is not something that comes easily to me when I have no understanding of what has or is going on.   Oncologist and nurse seemed happy with my results but I don’t understand much of this right now.  Clearly, I have much work to do on my accepting of not understanding. My platelets and neutrophils are both too low to do another round of chemo.  So, I will be getting my blood retested in a week.  I am still waiting for the rest of the blood work results (liver enzymes and tumor markers).  I need to continue to do the daily blood thinner injections.  Since the ascites has healed so well and the fluid accumulation is minimal; I will be getting the drain removed from my abdomen.   Believing that the treatment is working, healing is happening, has happened and will continue to happen.  Relying on my faith in God every second.   

God has blessed me by walking this path with me and surrounding me with so many people that instantly make themselves available for prayer.  (on our way to the MRI, I felt a sudden need, urge and desire for prayers)  Thank you to so many of you who sent me encouraging messages and prayer.  The nurse at St. B was able to hook me up to the IV first try.  This is typically a big deal for my veins and sometimes takes up to an hour.  I felt a sense of peace and calmness that I don’t know how to describe throughout the procedure that took about 30 minutes. 

As some of you know, I have been in this mode of clearing things out of my house.  I believe this can make me annoying to be around but I am continuing on.  I have a goal to make my daughter’s old bedroom a room just for me.  A place where I can read, pray, do crafts; etc.  My place of solitiude.  I am very over the top excited about this.   I am like a kid that is getting their own room for the first time. 

During the last few days I have had a couple of really cool things happen.  As I was going through my precious junk, I found a card that my parents who are both now in heaven gave me in 1991 when I was going through a divorce.  Yes, I do have hoarder tendencies but no I do not have every card that was given to me since 1991. 

Yesterday, I was dropping a car load of things off at Salvation Army and I spotted a plaque that had one of my favourite scriptures on it.  Philippians – I can do all things through Christ who Strengthen me.  Of course, I had to buy it.  Today at church again the scripture was part of the sermon.  I am convinced there is a strong message that has been sent my way.   

My heart is very open these days.    I pray to God and give thanks for all of the blessings and I  ask for specific things for others and myself in prayer.  I believe in prayer. 

I am more excited than ever about my prayer life and look forward to it.  Thank you all for the prayers! 

Love, Bev